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2008 Schedule I will be unavailable all of December! I'll be back!
SSC 101
Dom Con Atlanta
I just got back from my first DomCon - in
Atlanta! Atlanta is not exactly my favorite spot in the world. It's
extremely claustrophobic to me. It's too big, too many people, too lush,
and too closed in. The air is heavy. You cannot see the horizon
anywhere. There is no grass. But there is a profusion of foliage
everywhere. Just no relief at all for the eye. SSC stands for Safe, Sane, and Consensual. This acronym is related to another common acronym, RACK, or Risk Aware Consensual Kink. I bring this up, because I want to reassure my current and prospective submissives, slaves, and pets that all reasonable measures are taken to keep everyone safe, clean, and healthy. Safe means that you must be honest and upfront with Me about physical health conditions so that I can accommodate them if possible. Some activities will not be safe enough to engage in depending on physical limitations. Safety cannot be maintained without communication. Sane means that our play must be appropriate to experience level, and within the realm of reason. For instance, pain is intense sensation -- not permanent injury. Consensual means that boundaries and limits are clearly communicated and "safe words" can be used and are immediately respected. Conventional safe words are "Green" (this is wonderful -- keep doing this!), "Yellow" (this is getting hard to bear either physically or emotionally), and; "Red" which if uttered, will stop the activity completely. The reason safe words are used is because many times a submissive will want to say things like, "Stop" or "Don't" but in the context of play, are said not because they want to stop the scene, but because it is a vocal release that enhances their experience of the scene. So words that are not likely to be used in the course of the scene are picked to serve as a safety net. It is a rare session indeed where a safe word has been used with Me, but it can happen. I am very good at "reading" my play partners and adjusting our activities based on subtle responses. RACK is an acronym that better reflects how experienced play partners interact with each other. All day to day human activities are inherently risky, from cooking dinner to driving to work, Yet, bdsm practitioners are conscious of the unique aspects of "what it is we do" and the special considerations that must go into a good scene. Cleanliness is next to Godliness! Part of SSC is keeping all toys and equipment as clean as possible. Some toys require sterilization even! Every measure is taken to assure a clean and healthy environment for our play. Latex is the barrier of choice, but there are alternatives in case of allergy. Although much of our play is sensual and erotic and of a fetish nature, remember - a professional dominatrix is not an escort or a prostitute!
Crossdressing My male crossdressing clients generally ask for stockings, shoes, garters, bras, sexy panties, wigs, sometimes dresses or skirts, rarely make-up. Typically, a cross-dresser will want to wear the same type of garment each time he has a session with me. Men like cross-dressing for different reasons. The main reason my clients want to cross dress is because they have a fetish for women’s clothing. A fetish permits sexual response. A fetish can be acquired through nurturing or training, or through unknown means. A true fetish is one where the presence of a non-sexual item (like a shoe) is a requirement for sexual arousal and climax. Sometimes, men will like to cross dress because they have learned to eroticize objects or types of objects, e.g., leather, latex, women’s clothing, which merely increases sexual/erotic response. This is not a true fetish, because the presence of the item is not a necessary requirement for arousal or climax. A key reason for male cross-dressing is that it brings out their submissiveness; and they see me expressly to experience their submissiveness! Cross-dressing facilitates a change in attitude and behavior with radical departure from the “norm.” Often, they have a belief that males are dominant, females are submissive; therefore they need to be female to express submissiveness. The Domme is in a different category altogether. She is on a pedestal, and allowed to dominate him — sort of a surrogate male dominant (which he would not want anyway!) She may be the “ultra femme” role model — the extraordinary exception to the D/s rule, and therefore even more powerful and mysterious. Cross-dressing is a risk taking behavior, and a serious violation of taboo. Breaking a taboo is a rebellious act and very exciting; usually having to do with dark aspects of human nature: sexuality, violence, death. It is a “safer” way to experience forbidden aspects of their own personality. It also may bring a sense of balance to their life — an integration of their personality which they don’t have much opportunity to experience in our highly judgmental and male-centric culture. A typically dominant, highly driven executive or manager may crave the relief of changing roles completely—including gender roles. In some cases, cross-dressing may be a bridge to getting in touch with bisexuality or homosexuality. As a “woman” the cross-dresser can perform acts that are otherwise unacceptable: suck cock (dildo or real), be fucked, either by the stand-in male (the Domina wearing a strap-on) or by a bio male and it is acceptable, non-threatening to his “real” heterosexual identity. Or it may be a way to begin a journey into acknowledging attraction to aspects of homo-erotica or homosexuality. Putting a man in stockings, heels, corset, or bra and panties, wig, etc. is putting him in bondage physically and mentally. The thrill and fear of restriction and vulnerability is a result of abdication of responsibility, actually freeing him to be more authentically “himself.” Often, the male will be dressed in frilly panties, or silly costumes that no Domme would EVER wear. I never allow a cross-dresser to wear power clothes like black leather corsets. The way the male wears women’s clothing is designed to make him less powerful. The Domina may also be in bondage clothing, but the clothing is designed to make her seem more imposing, powerful and dangerous! Stilletto heels are a weapon, leather corsets are like a bullet proof vest, make-up is a mask, and sexy clothing is a weapon to manipulate lust. Love and hate are two sides of the same spiritual coin. The cross-dresser may be worshipping the Goddess, or be a misogynist. He may be attempting to reconcile conflicting emotions and cognitive dissonance. Admiration, love, hate, fear, and guilt all motivate the cross-dresser. His is a spiritual journey that he likely is not even aware of. There are four stages to his experience: 1) recognition of need/desire, 2) intensifying of need/symbolic distancing from the object of worship, 3) liminality/cresendo 4) resolution/restoration. The cross-dresser is compelled to cross dress. He feels a real need. Even if he promises himself that he will stop and he purges all his fetish clothing, he will always be a cross-dresser. The gap widens (not closes) between the cross-dresser and his Mistress as his feminine alter ego is put together. It is painfully and pathetically obvious that his is an attempt to worship (or insult) by emulation. The more he tries to be like his Mistress, the more humiliated he becomes. And the more able he is to express his sincere devotion or his loathing. Each piece of clothing intensifies his need. Degradation and objectification aid in the distancing process. The cross-dresser’s alter ego can be nasty and depraved without responsibility or consequences in real life: rape scenes; slut and dildo training; “forced” feminization. Little is too depraved or disgusting for the cross-dresser because “she” deserves the “abuse.” In alter ego “she” will allow herself to be used and abused with gratitude and enthusiasm that would never be tolerated as a male. Each humiliation is a testament to “her” devotion and penance. The build up crescendos emotionally and physically. As “she” returns to “he” at the end of the scene, the feelings are of having been purged, cleansed, relieved of stress, authenticated, and validated. It’s a spiritual journey, whether the cross-dresser knows it consciously or not. He has just participated in a ritual of spiritual transformation using both physical and emotional means. The Domina is the facilitator – the surrogate Goddess. He is used and abused in the manner of being a woman in order to purge feelings of guilt, shame, self- or other-hatred. Conversely, he has paid the ultimate honor to the Goddess by submitting to her in form and action. At the end of the session, the cross-dresser reclaims his male power and feels “on top of the world.” He is not only restored, but he has been transformed! As you can see, cross-dressing can definitely play a part in bdsm and kinky sex. Power Exchange is at the root of the scene. Dominance/submission, Bondage, discipline, and sado-masochism may all figure in. Being “forced” to cross-dress is standard bdsm role-play: abdicating responsibility for desired anti-social, or taboo behavior, and submitting to the will of another. Permission is granted to do something or be something in a “safe” environment, usually unthinkable in the “real” world. Part of establishing Dominance and submission is the use of humiliation (again, standard bdsm fare). Humiliation “humbles” — it is NOT shame. Shame is un-penitent guilt. To be humbled is to be absolved of guilt and shame. Doing anything that increases the intensity of the body’s response helps to increase the chances of altering the emotional and mental response – even achieving altered states. Conversely, by utilizing humiliation, and violation of taboo, the mind excites the body, increasing its response as well. The feelings are eroticized and the body rushes hormones to the brain. So the “bad” experience becomes a good one. Doing something embarrassing (esp. in front of someone) is taking a HUGE spiritual leap of faith. The humiliation is like having a good beating, or near death experience. The endorphin rush is a response to the stress of embarrassment and humiliation. Relieving one kind of stress also relieves others, e.g., the hard day at the office. It’s an attitude adjustment not unlike that accomplished by a good flogging. Cross-dressing can be a part of performance art: It’s entertainment for self and others. It’s theatrics. It’s fun. It’s being able to laugh at oneself and ridicule while paying homage at the same time. Passing is an important aspect and turn-on for some cross-dressers. Sometimes the cross-dresser will love going out and doing drag shows, or just doing lunch. Gender-fuck is more important for others due to the perceived political impact or sometimes just for mere shock value. Gender fuck is really a turn-on in non-consensual venues, and the ethics are questionable depending on the circumstances. It can be tempting to involve the public non-consensually in what can be considered a bdsm activity. Role play is theatrics, but also serious business. In strap-on play the woman becomes the penetrator, and male becomes the penetrated. The one “on-top” becomes the dominant, powerful one. The one “on the bottom” becomes the submissive, powerless one. I also use male clothing and attitude to complete the role exchange. More often, though I use female camp to accentuate the difference. The cross-dresser can adopt different personas: slut, sissy maid, and girlfriend are all very popular. It’s cathartic being shameless and vulgar under the direction of the Domme who uses the cross-dresser as Her whore. Our cultural outlook is that the way women are treated is something that they desire either opening or secretly. Men often find it very exciting and eroticize the experiences. They like to play the part to reassure themselves that their view of reality or behavior is justified. And since women “ask for it” by wearing slutty clothing, etc., they, as males, are not responsible for any of it. True, some women DO love being slutty and whorish and if it is her choice, e.g., in a bdsm context (and there may be others), then that is cool. It is CONSENSUAL in a way that real rape, sexual harassment, and abuse are not. Or the cross-dresser can be ditzy and silly and it is acceptable—even desired in order to make sure the cross-dresser cannot really approach a good likeness of the Mistress. Making mistakes is a way to garner “punishment” and make the distance between Mistress and maid more obvious. Then again, maybe the fetish is service and wanting to be more feminine in order to express that nurturing caretaking., Especially desired is to be like the Mistress (getting in touch with the Goddess). Then there is full transformation: going out in public and passing. The cross-dresser may be approaching transgender identity. This cross-dresser may have true feelings of wanting to be female or appreciating the feminine on a very deep level. Transexual and transgender folk fall into a different category than cross-dressers. Theirs is a spiritual and physical journey usually not related to self-hatred or “other” hatred. The Domina’s Response Many women (and men) do not understand cross-dressing and do not appreciate the courage it takes to cross-dress. Some are quite disgusted by the whole thing. I find that I am turned-on by the cross-dresser’s inner and outer journey. I feel privileged to facilitate that journey and trusted enough for them to bare their souls to me. I am also just perverted enough to appreciate cross-dressing for all the same reasons that my clients and play partners do. I get to rise above everyday womanhood and become something extraordinary. I am Male, Female, Deity, Worshipper, and Witness. I get to express my dark side, and be reborn to the light as well! BDSM (Bondage/discipline, Dominance/submission, Sadism/masochism) is a path of spirituality, similar to religious ritual. The recent surge of religiousness in popular culture has made me more aware of the connections. The tradition of suffering for redemption, of supreme dominance of a higher power and submission to that higher power, of supplicating before God/dess for grace is rich in ritual and iconography that looks a lot like BDSM. Like religion, BDSM provides a vehicle for transformation of the mundane into the ecstatic. We are on a quest to find the “sacred” consciously, or unconsciously. Using ritual is a metaphorical way to purge our sin. Some of us find that ritual fulfillment in the arms of a religious community. Some of us find it in the practice of BDSM. Many of us find that we feel no conflict with the practice of both. What is the difference between religion and spirituality? Religions of the World. (St. Martin’s Press/New York 1983 p. 22) characterizes religion as a “relationship, a process, and a system by which humans make contact with a wider, other-than-human, symbolic context, in which life is thought to acquire its fundamental sanction, value, significance, and vitality”. Humans have a “religious need” to experience a “symbolic transformation” consisting four phases:
Webster’s dictionary describes “spiritual” as “1 of the spirit or the soul, often in a religious or moral aspect, as distinguished from the body.” Spirituality can certainly exist apart from religion. Religions are concerned with spiritual matters; however, spirituality does not necessarily need the context of formal religion. We often (but not always) use the body to pave a path to the spirit. Many religions use physical “punishments” as part of the transformation process. Self flagellation is still a familiar ritual around the world. The crucifixion of Christ is a primary example. Religion is the social/political system and spiritual connection is the individual experience. Engaging in BDSM plays out a spiritual quest for “sacred satisfaction.” BDSM scenes, role playing, and D/s relationships all follow a process that seeks a transformative experience. The submissive/bottom experiences the process directly, and the Dominant/top experiences the process indirectly or vicariously. Like the role of a church, the BDSM community in general instructs and initiates individuals into the traditions and provides the cultural system. We follow a path toward meeting “religious needs,” that is, belonging to a spiritual family or community, sometimes without really even being aware of it. The first of the four phases of symbolic transformation is Recognition. A disorder in our world is perceived—however vaguely—and we are drawn to seek order through a system of behavioral sanctions. That need is often felt as a longing for a connection to something greater than ourselves—to the sacred essence that validates our very existence. We realize that we have a personal need that we must find a way to meet. We feel like something is wrong perhaps, or missing in our life. Many people look at BDSM as just a way to add spice to their sex life—a little kink to make sex more exciting. But that is not the whole story. On some level we feel a longing that we are acutely aware is abnormal to the rest of society. Once we have overcome the apparent contradiction of being a “pervert” with our self-image as a “good” person, we are on our way down a spiritual path that can meet our needs. Many of us feel that our world started to make sense somehow when we finally discovered BDSM. This is a powerful need that cannot be denied. People need not be “religious” to play out the symbolic process. Second, we seek to accentuate the distinction between our mortal, mundane existence and that of a higher power by Distancing. To do that, we use many methods: Master/slave roles, Top/bottom roles, or even through a generalized awareness of the special outcaste status that practitioners of BDSM occupy. When someone “submits” to another, they are giving up rank in a hierarchy and control to someone else, implicitly admitting that they need the order and safety provided from another source outside themselves. That need is a spiritual need, and the devotion to God/dess is transferred to a symbolic entity: the Master/Mistress, Dom/Domme. This powerful person represents the order and personal validation the submissive desires. The submissive symbolically worships their Dominant confident that it will set their world right. In specific scenes, that dynamic might be played out with humiliation, bondage, punishment, or service of some sort. The person seeking “salvation” or “sacred satisfaction” (the supplicant) requires distancing from the sacred object in order to sharpen their awareness of their need. Greater satisfaction is achieved through greater distancing. Liminality is the third phase of the spiritual quest and a crucial aspect to BDSM play. While experiencing that much sought after altered consciousness called “sub-space” or “top space” the rest of the world is “gone.” While BDSM play and role play is often considered fantasy and not real, the impact is very real. The intensely altered states made possible by BDSM removes us from the everyday realm, and can take us onto an unusual spiritual plane. Often, the state of sub-space is compared to being on a drug. Many religions use drugs to enhance or facilitate the spiritual journey. The fact that those using BDSM are getting there through endorphins and not peyote seems to matter little. We can also get to an altered or transformed state through meditation. There are many paths that lead to the same place. But what about the Dominant? As a surrogate divinity, they cannot worship themselves directly; instead, they must experience their own devotion to God/dess vicariously. Often, Dominants explain how they feel in a scene or relationship by describing an out-of-body awareness that puts them in the place of their submissive. Not only do they experience their own dominance, but they feel their submissive’s experience as well. The submissive’s journey is traveled vicariously by the Dominant, but is also facilitated by the Dominant. The end result is a spiritual experience for both parties. The final step is Restoration or rebirth. “The emergence of sacred satisfaction restores people as symbolically new, reborn beings who are sanctioned, empowered, significant, and valuable. Restoration is often accompanied by actions symbolizing rebirth, resuscitation, transfiguration, release from bondage, or healing.” (p 15) The after care portion of a scene debriefs the traveler and gives him or her time to process an extraordinary event. In fact, without that finale, the transformation is incomplete and the experience of sacred satisfaction looses its impact. We need to have validation and recognition that our needs have been met. The varied rituals surrounding BDSM play facilitates and dramaticizes the process. Not everyone needs the pomp and circumstance, of highly ritualized BDSM, or of organized religion, but they can be useful tools. We are communal creatures and desire to belong and be accepted. Symbols and rituals help cement our homogeneousness (even in a marginalized community) and reassure us that we have a valuable place within that community. Sacred space is very important as well. Religions build churches, temples, mosques, etc. It’s no surprise that for BDSM we create dungeons and play areas and often have strict rules of behavior (often codified, and enforced by special dungeon masters) while we are in our sacred space. Organized BDSM clubs are also an important part of creating leadership and rites, which extend political power, so essential in creating a community. Leaders in our community often emerge as shamans of sorts; witting or unwitting facilitators of a journey into the realm of sacredness and transformation. BDSM can be a very powerful experience. Sometimes, it’s just plain fun, Let your spirit free! Manners Manners fits into the realm of protocol, If you want a session with Me, you need to be polite. Use manners. Be aware of common conventions of good behavior. If you display poor manners or an attitude of disrespect, you will not get very far with Me or any other Dominatrix. You MUST follow directions!!! Do exactly as I instruct you to do. And no more. Do NOT call me repeatedly. I guarantee that if you annoy Me, I will NEVER consider talking to you, let alone sessioning with you. Leave your name, phone number, and good times for you to take a call back from Me. Answer when I call. NOTE: I am a very busy woman! If you do not receive a call back within 24 hours, you are permitted to leave another message. The fact of life is that sometimes voice mails get deleted prematurely...! Keep it brief I do not do phone domination. Our initial phone interview will be brief. Of course you want certain desires met. That is understood. Be prepared and be concise when I return your call. It's very simple, really. Be polite and respectful. Do not annoy me. Do not expect undue attention from Me. You will have to EARN that. Reliability Without reliability, manners, generosity, good presentation, and experience mean very little. Your track record must be better than just good with Me. |
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To make an appointment call directly at 763-228-0024 |
